An example of The Work
This a thought around success that I have had and did The Work on with a facilitator.
I haven’t achieved what I need to achieve to feel successful.
Facilitator: “Is it true. Yes or No?”
Me: “Yes”
Facilitator: “Can you absolutely be sure that this thought is true, Yes or No?”
Me: “Yes”
Facilitator: “How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought? What emotions do you experience when you have that thought?”
Me: “I feel depressed and sad. My hands and feet tingle. I feel bad and like I want to cry.
Facilitator: “What images arise, from the past and future, and what physical sensations and emotions arise when you witness them?”
Me: “I see the things that I need to achieve to feel happy out in the future, the house, the big yard, the rich bank account, the great retirement, always out of reach out there in the future.”
“I see what my brother and father have achieved, and I compare myself to them even though I don’t even know if I want or need what they have. I feel jealous, resentful and envious of them and I feel some anger towards them.”.
Facilitator: “How do you treat yourself when you believe this thought?”
Me: “I treat myself like I am a failure, like I am a victim to my own life, like I can never be happy unless I have these things. I treat myself like I am incapable and my life has been a complete failure.”
Facilitator: “How do you treat others when you believe this thought?
Me: “I compare myself to others, especially my brother and father, and I feel lacking. Then, I feel resentful and I start to think of all the ways that they made me feel bad about myself. I blame them and feel anger and resentment. I judge myself and I judge them. The old resentments creep back in.”
Facilitator: “Does this thought bring peace or stress?”
Me: “A lot of stress”
Facilitator: “Who or what would you be without this thought?
Me: “I’d be much happier, more compassionate with myself. I’d allow myself to be happy with my life as it is right now. I’d be more kind to others.”
Facilitator: “Let’s do the turnaround: How is the thought, “I have achieved what I need to achieve to feel successful”, just as true or more true than the original? Give me three concrete, plausible examples.”
Me: “I am happy with my work most of the time. I have great friends. I am fit and healthy. I am doing work that I feel great about.”
Facilitator: “Let’s try, “I haven’t achieved what I don’t want to achieve to feel successful.” What are at least three concrete and believable reasons that this is as true or more than the original thought?”
Me: “I really don’t want the big house and yard and I haven’t achieved that. I really don’t want to retire right now. I enjoy my work and I don’t mind continuing to work past what most people do. I haven’t achieved what my parents and relatives growing up thought was successful, but I am happy and free from the need for accolades from others. It’s always been more important to me to do what feels authentic and right to me.”